Eat, Pray, Play

I think there is a challenge between the very real issue of busyness in our lives today and the smoke screen of busyness. Are we really busier than our parents were, are we really run off our feet more than our grandfathers were? I certainly cannot answer that conclusively, but I am not sure we are?  Maybe there are just more activities in the 21st century of relax and recreation that we are hedonistically attracted to. More for us to do and enjoy. And the time left over after work, gets divided between our selfish desires and family time.  Unfortunately our families could end up taking the hit. Whilst we naively think that these activities are inclusive for our family, the reality is, more often than not they are selfishly driven and not sacrificially facilitated.

The problem then is that when we are encouraged to prioritise time with family, we default to this excuse of busyness. Friends we need to pursue simplicity and be faithful with the Godly gift of family. Here are a few things that we have learnt along the way that have been helpful to us in valuing our family time (always a work in progress):

1. Eat together : whilst much of life takes place on the run, we all have to eat. We all have to stop, we have to breathe, enjoy. Please don't make a habit of eating "alone together". Life undoubtedly can be busy, understood! We somehow manage to eat together maybe around four times a week. They are not necessarily exceptional moments, but they are most certainly special moments. As a family we love "Cake Boss", and it so happens to be on around dinner time. It is far too easy to settle for chow around the TV, it takes effort and intention, make the effort and intention to value this moment of sharing a meal. PVR or TVO Cake Boss or eat earlier :-) !!
2. Pray together : let prayer be you default response to challenges in life. We automatically want to work things out and understand the challenges we face. I have always found that prayer facilitates vulnerability, and what better place to be vulnerable than before God. Taking your hard issues, good times and the issues and circumstances you don't understand, to God. Fathers, don't underestimate the value of being vulnerable before your family, you don't know everything, don't pretend that you do, take it to God.
3. Play together: We want magical, spontaneous family moments. We have found the best way to have awesome times together is to plan for them. I know that doesn't sound spontaneous. You may have enjoyed a few spontaneous magical moments, but in general that are a myth. When Saturday comes around and you have no plan, don't expect it to fly, you've  got a dead dodo on your hands. Invest thought in the times that are coming up and be intentional about playing together.

Hey, these are just a few things we have found helpful, three simply ways of keeping  our finger on the pulse of our family.
God bless
Steve and Bron

I hate confrontation


Unfortunately there is just no avoiding confrontation as a leader. It is going to happen. I think far too many leaders unravel simply because they are not aware or prepared. I hate confrontation, I always have. Wrongfully so, I want to be liked by people. So to speak to someone directly about a certain issue demands straight talk. The problem is when you are trying to endear yourself to people, straight talk doesn't help, or so we think. On the flip side, I know in my life, often it has been when others have spoken directly to me about issues, that I have experienced increased growth. Surprisingly when I have been spoken to in love, my respect and appreciation for that person has also grown. That's how God works, that's His wisdom. 

Here are some of the things I have learnt along the way when it comes to confrontation:

1. Just do it - My goodness, we can be good at procrastination. Waiting for a better day, or for the right moment. The right moment won’t come and so, just do it. Make the phone call, set up the meeting. For their sake and for yours, get moving. 

2. Truth in love - Often confrontation can be weighted one side or the other. Speaking the truth without love is quite simply harsh, aggressive and ultimately offensive. Love without truth is soft, and does nothing. If you, unlike me, relish the opportunity to confront, be careful that you don't end up causing more damage because you move ahead like a bulldozer. Check your heart! Speak the truth, in love.

3. Matthew 18:15-20 - We need Godly wisdom when dealing with difficult situations. This scripture has, for more than 18 years of ministry, been an anchor for me. Read it, be encouraged by it and most importantly do it!

4. Maybe it's true - Could it be that when someone confronts you about something you said and did, that was offensive to them, could it be that they are right....maybe it's true? Pride will immediately tell you it's not, humility will enable you to ask the question honestly. Humble yourself, ask the question, maybe it's true? If it is, recognise it, repent of it and receive God's power to overcome it.

Hey, I still can't stand confrontation, but these few things have helped. What are your thoughts.

God bless
Steve & Bron

5 Leadership lessons part 1

My first official leadership experience was in our church youth group back when I was 14. Not long after that I started a band/ministry where I assumed or landed the leadership role. It wasn’t assumed by everyone else though:-) I continued to lead in that capacity for the following 18 years, and learnt much about leadership ( one never stops learning). 

Here are some of my earliest leadership lessons:

Being on time is not optional - Being late is so overrated. There are undoubtedly times when circumstances cause us to arrive late for meetings or connection times. However when circumstances regularly lead to you being late, the circumstances can no longer be blamed.... it’s just bad planning, plain and simple. Being on time says that you honor the people you are meeting with and want to give them every minute that is set aside. Being on time whether we like it or not, says something of how you manage the rest of your life. And then lastly being on time allows for your life to be well ordered inspite of the busyness of life, which ultimately benefits your family who are always the ones who suffer when time runs away.

You are not always right - In my early years I naively thought that to be a good leader you had to be right.....all the time. Of course a good leader generally has a track record of making good decisions, but reality is, that is not always the case. A good leader recognizes his/her own fallibility and is not shaken when a wrong decision is made. 

When you have made a bad decision, an apology is in order - A good leader is never above an apology. If anything the willingness for a leader to apologize, is often in my experience, a sign of strength. Your team or co-workers respect of you will increase, giving you leadership capital that you cannot buy. Interestingly enough, the kind of leadership capital you earn from an apology is different to the kind you earn through a good leadership decision, and as leaders we need both kinds.

Just because you lead, doesn’t mean you are the most spiritual - Once again I naively thought that I had to set the spiritual temperature of our ministry. Immaturity caused me to pray louder than the person next to me, and increase my spiritual talk. All a lot of hot air if you ask me. Of course in my situation as a leader of a ministry, to walk close to God, and continue to grow closer to Him in my relationship was an absolute necessity. But I learnt very quickly that a good leader is a good facilitator. He/she realizes that they can’t do everything themselves. They create space for others to exercise their gifts.

Give before it’s asked for - When a member of you team in some way asks for affirmation or encouragement, and you then as a leader give it to them, they will walk away thinking and feeling that they deserved it.  However, when you as a leader give affirmation or encouragement when it is not asked for, your team member will walk away feeling affirmed and encouraged. This applies in the corporate world as well with employer/employee relationships, with salary increases and bonuses etc. : when we as leaders give before it’s asked for, it’s always appreciated more.

We never stop learning about leadership, what are some of your thoughts?

God bless,

Steve and Bron