I hate confrontation
Unfortunately there is just no avoiding confrontation as a leader. It is going to happen. I think far too many leaders unravel simply because they are not aware or prepared. I hate confrontation, I always have. Wrongfully so, I want to be liked by people. So to speak to someone directly about a certain issue demands straight talk. The problem is when you are trying to endear yourself to people, straight talk doesn't help, or so we think. On the flip side, I know in my life, often it has been when others have spoken directly to me about issues, that I have experienced increased growth. Surprisingly when I have been spoken to in love, my respect and appreciation for that person has also grown. That's how God works, that's His wisdom.
Unfortunately there is just no avoiding confrontation as a leader. It is going to happen. I think far too many leaders unravel simply because they are not aware or prepared. I hate confrontation, I always have. Wrongfully so, I want to be liked by people. So to speak to someone directly about a certain issue demands straight talk. The problem is when you are trying to endear yourself to people, straight talk doesn't help, or so we think. On the flip side, I know in my life, often it has been when others have spoken directly to me about issues, that I have experienced increased growth. Surprisingly when I have been spoken to in love, my respect and appreciation for that person has also grown. That's how God works, that's His wisdom.
Here are some of the things I have learnt along the way when it comes to confrontation:
1. Just do it - My goodness, we can be good at procrastination. Waiting for a better day, or for the right moment. The right moment won’t come and so, just do it. Make the phone call, set up the meeting. For their sake and for yours, get moving.
2. Truth in love - Often confrontation can be weighted one side or the other. Speaking the truth without love is quite simply harsh, aggressive and ultimately offensive. Love without truth is soft, and does nothing. If you, unlike me, relish the opportunity to confront, be careful that you don't end up causing more damage because you move ahead like a bulldozer. Check your heart! Speak the truth, in love.
3. Matthew 18:15-20 - We need Godly wisdom when dealing with difficult situations. This scripture has, for more than 18 years of ministry, been an anchor for me. Read it, be encouraged by it and most importantly do it!
4. Maybe it's true - Could it be that when someone confronts you about something you said and did, that was offensive to them, could it be that they are right....maybe it's true? Pride will immediately tell you it's not, humility will enable you to ask the question honestly. Humble yourself, ask the question, maybe it's true? If it is, recognise it, repent of it and receive God's power to overcome it.
Hey, I still can't stand confrontation, but these few things have helped. What are your thoughts.
God bless
Steve & Bron
I think speaking the truth in love is key as I can personally handle anything shared in love, if it comes from a place of having my best interest at heart and is in line with the Word.
ReplyDeleteSome may not receive the correction, even when shared in love but that's okay. You gotta do what you gotta do and then go with peace knowing that God's word will not return void.
Happy blogging!
Elzet
Steve, ! This post is brilliant. thanks for your wisdom.
ReplyDeleteEven Jack Welch says ' when ever you have an opportunity, tell the truth'.
I fond I still am more concerned about pleasing people than pleasing God. I think it is because people shout louder.
Leadership is faith , faith that the Lord has called you and guides, leads and directs us!
I do believe our confrontation should align with Gods word, we speak it in love and then it is up to those individuals to work it out.
Lastly I believe the difference between being critical and bringing council is the spirit in which it is brought.
Please who ever is reading this can we collectively unpack what Steve has so wisely started. If we as leaders can get this right - forcefully advancing Kingdom will go from promise and prophecy to reality!
Thank-you so much, Steve.
God bless you and your family!!!!!!!